Happy Birthday to the Brightest Light in my Life. By Valérie Mayer

Whichever demons you may be fighting, there is always a purpose and a reason to fight for the person you aspire to be. Whatever that may be to you, find your light, that one motivator that makes you get out of bed and fight for what you want. In order to conquer my anorexia, that motivator was my nephew. So many people in my life can’t understand why being an aunt is such an important role to me. Well to those who may not know: it was the main thing that saved me from my demons. 

In the letter below, I write to my nephew as he is turning 6 about how each one of his birthdays reminds me that I am closer to another year of recovery. I am becoming the woman I want to become because of him. This is my story on how he gave me purpose and I hope that by sharing this, I will inspire someone to find his or her motivator, whatever that may be. 

As I share my story, I do not want to focus on what anorexia is, I am not a psychologist and this mental health illness is very complex. But, I want to share the reason I overcame it and how beautiful life can be when you find your motivator and that fighting for the best version of yourself everyday is worth it. 

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My letter to you on your 6th birthday

My dear Thomas, 

On your 6th birthday, I want to share with you a story that you will be able to read when you are older. To me, it’s the most beautiful story of all because it’s the story of how you became my guardian angel. 

When you were a baby, only 4 months old, your “matante Lily”  (antie Lily in English) was really sick. The illness I was fighting didn’t come from a virus, like the colds you fight every year during winter. I was fighting something in my mind that affected how I treated those I loved the most, which included you at one point. That illness is called: anorexia nervosa. 

When I was only 14 years old, I started battling demons. There was a voice inside my head that was telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that the only way I could ever be loved by the world is if I found a way to be incredibly skinny. From that age until April 2013, I struggled back and forth with those demons. Some years were worst than others but 2013 was the year I decided that I wanted to be an aunt you could look up to. Thomas, you became my motivation to live a better life. 

In November 2012, you entered the world and I will never forget how I felt when I first saw you: it was love at first sight. This was a feeling I had never felt before but I still had those demons inside me and I was not a good aunt to you. When you were 4 months old, I had my last relapse and went to a very dark place. I said things that I shouldn’t have and your mom (my sister) said that I couldn’t be in your life if I didn’t find a way to get better. With you in mind, I wanted to be better and to be someone you could look up to, that you could be proud to call “matante Lily”. 

During my recovery, I focused on you; on whom I wanted to be for you. You became my light, giving me the purpose I needed to fight for myself, for the woman I am becoming because of you. Here is how each year of your life impacted mine. 

When you turned 1

I started focusing on university and brought my average from B to A in one semester. Getting my grades up in school was something very important to me. So many times I was studying next to you as you were taking your afternoon naps. 

When you turned 2

I decided to move out from my parents’ house (your grandparents) and tried to become an adult. You’ll find out, when you are older, that moving out isn’t the only thing that makes an adult. But, at least I was taking some risks and being open to change.

When you turned 3

I found a work contract abroad and I decided that I would work in Vietnam after graduating from university: I always wanted to travel but I wasn’t well enough to do so. Leaving you for 2 years was probably one of the hardest decisions I had to make. But, I needed to grow as a woman without having constant access to your light. 

When you turned 4

When I was abroad, I had my first serious long-term relationship with a wonderful man. To those who have struggled with anorexia, you know how difficult it can be to open up your heart. We stayed together for 2 years, lived together and your aunt was able to grow even more confident.

When you turned 5

I focused on finding my passion – what kind of professional career I wanted to pursue. I decided to try new things and started helping entrepreneurs in Vietnam grow their business and discovered my passion for marketing in early stage companies. 

As you are turning 6

I moved back to Ottawa and I’m building my reputation as an independent marketing consultant and being fearless about going after what I want – to become a successful businesswoman. I am also finally ready to share my story and this is an amazing yet scary feeling.  

Every year, when your birthday comes around, it reminds me that another year of my recovery is coming. You are turning 6 and I am almost at my sixth year recovered. Every year you grow, I feel like I become stronger with you. I am in awe with the little man you are becoming and even though you may be too young to understand this: thank you for giving me the strength to fight for myself. 

My wish for you as you grow older is that you continue being a light to those around you. You will encounter people in your life that will be fighting all types of demons and you will surely fight your own. 

When your peers come to you seeking for that light I know you own, lead with your heart and remember how from an early age you helped your aunt overcome her demons, before you could even speak. When you are struggling, remember that your family is always here for you and willing to guide you in finding your purpose. Most importantly, always remember that whatever you are going through, the fight to overcome it will be worth it. 

Keep shining bright and happy birthday my light - I love you. 

“Matante Lily”