Holiday Guide for Loved Ones - Camille Richard

The holidays are coming and for many people this time of year can be hard.

This can be for different reasons such as family drama, abusive upbringing, lack of money while trying to put gifts under the Christmas tree, time away for traveling, staying sober around bottles of champagnes, trying to avoid diet talks at the table, winter blues...etc.

First of all, I can never say this enough, boundaries are important. You need to make your well-being your priority. You will most likely have to say it a few times before people understand and remember your needs and limits.

However this blog is actually not for you but for them.

Some people don’t know how to react when they see someone struggling, that’s when they might say something inappropriate or unhelpful. Not knowing what to do or how to help can be stressful. So I made it easy, just share this!

WHAT YOU CAN DO WHEN SOMEONE IS STRUGGLING

1. Check-up on them. Ask about their feelings. (The usual “how are you?”/”I’m good” isn’t useful). State your concerns, for example you can say “you look overwhelmed/exhausted, I’m worried about you”
2. Show your support. “I am here for you if you want to talk.”
3. Validate their experience. Try NOT to say things like “you’re overreacting”, “you’re being selfish” or “you just want attention”. They are HURTFUL.
4. It’s okay not to know how to react. It’s okay to say “I don’t know how exactly how you feel but I can only imagine how hard it must be for you…” or “I’m not sure what to say”.
5. Ask what they might need or want. You don’t have to try and figure it all out for them.
6. Listen more than you talk. They don’t expect you to find a solution.
7. Respect their boundaries.
8. Give them space if they say they don’t want to discuss it at the moment. Just make sure they are safe, leave the door open for later conversation “if you change your mind let me know”.
9. Give compliments. (Don’t comment on someone’s appearance, don’t talk about their weight or size. In no way is that ever helpful)
10. Offer your help. When someone is struggling, day-to-day chores can take a lot of energy. You can help with their groceries, cleaning, dishes, studying etc.
11. Give them a thoughtful gift. It can be fuzzy socks or cozy pjs, their favorite tea or book, a good luck charm, a journal or some arts supply, bath bombs or candles, etc.
12. Send them inspirational songs or funny videos or cute picture of puppies and babies.
13. If they tell you they need you, be there in one way or another. We all have lives and no one expect you to be available 24/7. If it’s not a good time for you, just saying “I can see you’re struggling and need some support, I will call/text/come see you as soon as I can. In the meantime if it can’t wait please reach out to a crisis line. I care about you and I want to make sure you’re okay.”
14. Give them resources. Have phone numbers handy, send them links to online support, bring them to a walk-in clinic if needed.

Remember the holiday season is a magical time but not everyone will feel only joy. Be gentle and kind with everyone you meet, you don’t know what they might be going through! The best gift you can give is your love and affection… Sending you all so much love and strength for the New Year!